Dwell – Day 4
At age 20, I was diagnosed with stage two ovarian cancer. My doctor informed me that I was the youngest patient he had ever treated. Due to my age, he refused to perform a hysterectomy because he wanted to give me a fighting chance to become a mother. In that moment, I must have stared at him like he had ten heads—motherhood was the last thing on my mind. After two major surgeries and several rounds of chemotherapy, I was declared in remission. Now, as I am married and envision a future filled with children, I find myself immensely grateful to my doctor, who saw a future for me at a time when I couldn’t yet grasp it.
However, my husband and I found ourselves deep in our infertility journey. Three years of trying to conceive without a single positive test weighed heavily on our hearts. As friends and family joyfully announced their pregnancies, we faced the heartache of negative test after negative test, turning holiday seasons into periods of deep reflection and sorrow. Yet, it was hope in the Lord that kept our faith alive during this season of waiting.
The challenges of IVF treatment were daunting. For ten exhausting months, we navigated countless shots, testing, and difficult procedures, each day filled with a mix of hope and apprehension. Waiting is hard, but it can also be a time of deep reflection, growth, and drawing closer to God. I learned to find strength in the quiet moments, trusting that He was crafting a beautiful story for our lives, even in the uncertainty. While the future may have seemed unclear, I knew that our hopes were safe in His hands.
After all the tiring treatments and countless prayers, I recently learned I was pregnant! However, during our seven-week ultrasound, our greatest fears became a reality as we received the devastating news that there was no heartbeat, and our sweet baby boy had already gone home to be with the Lord. We are heartbroken, yet we remain steadfast in our faith that God has a greater plan for us, even if we can’t see it yet.
Though we are grieving, we continue to feel a calling from God to foster and adopt, and we know this is His current plan for us. We haven’t yet decided whether to pursue another round of IVF, consider embryo donation, or just trust that God will bless us with a child in His perfect timing—whether through pregnancy or the foster and adoption system. In this uncertainty, we honor Him by obeying and remaining hopeful.
Hope is not just a wish; it is a powerful force that God uses to shape our lives. Through the tears, the prayers, and the moments of doubt, God remains faithful. Even in this season of sorrow, we know that hope does not disappoint. It is a promise of what is to come, rooted in the faithfulness of our Creator.
To anyone still waiting, hold fast to your dreams. God sees you, hears you, and is working in ways you may not yet understand. Your story is not over, and His plans for you are good. Let us celebrate the goodness of God together and trust that He is always faithful to fulfill His promises.
Because of Jesus, I will be a mother one day.
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a HOPE.”
There are things in your life right now that you didn’t plan for, but God is the one who holds the master plan of your life. God knows our future, his plans for our lives are good and full of hope. As long as we obey and allow God to direct our lives, we can have boundless hope. Now this doesn’t mean that we will be spared pain and suffering because that is guaranteed in this sinful world. “You are just the planter; he is the planner.” So, while you are sitting in the hopeful season waiting, go plant your garden, work hard and give life everything you have got. In Gods time he will come and make it bloom.
Guided Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me the chance at motherhood. Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Lord, please continue to fill me up with hope, and give me a reminder today and everyday to come that hope is an unbreakable spiritual lifeline. Lord you are my hope, and I trust in you. In your precious name I pray, AMEN.